| Bambi Can Go Suck A Chode! |
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| 11:55am 02/04/2008 |
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So I was starting a DVD for the little man when this advertisement for Disney’s Bambi comes on. The little announcer guy is going on and on about how it’s this great masterpiece and the whole family will love it. As if!
1. For those of you who have been fortunate enough to escape this little slice of childhood trauma, let me break it down for you. The movie opens on the birth of a deer named Bambi. He makes his debut into this world under a bush, the child of an un-wed mother. Through the course of the movie, we see Bambi learn some of life’s more challenging lessons such as the difference between skunks and flowers and how butterflies are not "buh-ur-duhs."
Anyway, one day Bambi’s mother gets rolled and now our protagonist must learn to make his way on the streets with the help of a gender-confused skunk and a hyperactive individual by the name of "Thumper." So, Winter comes and life is hard but Bambi pulls through and becomes a man-deer.
And what does he get? What’s the great pay-off for a life filled with confusion and struggle and pain? He gets accepted by his dead-beat dad who’s been tooling around in the woods this whole damn time! I remember being very upset as a child because Bambi didn’t charge up that hill and beat his old-man’s ass.
I’m sorry Walt, but I don’t see where this movie is an enriching experience for anyone, let alone a child. |
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| Killing My Husband ;) |
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| 09:26pm 20/11/2006 |
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mood:  amused
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Senolian: hey walk over there and kick sams ass
CircusOrange: why
Senolian: we need a reason now?
CircusOrange: i will never do anything for you ever again . . . BE paladin? You are like nagative 7 on the 1-10 sexy scale right now
Senolian: i was just saying that to piss sam off
CircusOrange: oh
Senolian: i already have a 60 human paladin why would i want to level another one?
CircusOrange: b/c you are a dork
CircusOrange: why did you level the that one to begin with?
Senolian: i dont know...it seemed like the thing to do
CircusOrange: sam's nekkid right now . . . typing to you
Senolian: well we are rather close friends
CircusOrange: i knew it
Senolian: i know, i'm sorry, i was going to tell you
CircusOrange: that hurts
Senolian: i'm sorry lezlie, but its right up there with you showing me your pies
CircusOrange: what?
CircusOrange: oh
CircusOrange: at least it wasn't my tits
Senolian: whoa who was bringing those into the discussion
CircusOrange: sorry,. i forgot you were gay
Senolian: hey just because i am sure enough in my masculinity to say that i would have sex with jackie chan doesn't make me gay
CircusOrange: you don't wanna talk tits . . . that's pretty gay
Senolian: lets clarify i dont want to talk about your tits, because if i do sam will cut my balls off
CircusOrange: not if I say "at least it it's not my tits" and you say "no, i never did see those" Bejingus Gary i'm not asking you to nibble my nipples or anything
Senolian: well lezlie "no, i never did see those"
CircusOrange: i thiink sam wants a threesome with you
Senolian: he has been drawing an awful lot of anatomy to me tonight
CircusOrange: i noticed
Senolian: and been talking alot about butt sex
Senolian: like every other thing he says is about it
CircusOrange: told yes
CircusOrange: yup
Senolian: so anything interesting happening?
CircusOrange: i spent 12 hours walking the strrets in platform heels
Senolian: no kidding, that makes us twins
CircusOrange: aw . . . that's cute
Senolian: well we do share common interests i guess
CircusOrange: sam seems to be one of those
CircusOrange: i still control the vajayjay so back off
Senolian: damn...you win this round...but i'll win the war
CircusOrange: lol
Senolian: this isn't over by a longshot...i'll win.....i'll win
CircusOrange: sure
Senolian: well i guess we can share him
CircusOrange: he says he wants us to fight . . . says we can't share him
Senolian: i'm pretty sure i'll win
CircusOrange: well, i'll go put my pumps and mini skirt on then . . .
Senolian: i'll get on the boots and the sweat pants
CircusOrange: that's an interesting combination
Senolian: well dont forget that i also have a jersey that'll finish the ensamble
Senolian: so you might as well just abdicate possesion of sam to me
CircusOrange: i don't . . . i guess i'm on the market again
Senolian: so wanna go get some coffee or see a movie?
CircusOrange: with you?
Senolian: well if your on the market again...i do have some italian charm
CircusOrange: ok
CircusOrange: awwww . . . i blushed
Senolian: i do have that effect on the women folk
CircusOrange: lol
Senolian: its not my fault, i'm just awesome
Senolian: ok i dont think sam suspects a thing
Senolian: i faked him out with abit of my perfect italiano
CircusOrange: that's pretty slick
Senolian: duh...italian....thats kinda my thing
CircusOrange: so you like your classes?
Senolian: not espessially, the quarter is almost over though
CircusOrange: my boyfriend threw me on the bed and my arm hurts now
Senolian: i did no such thing!
CircusOrange: not you, salvador
Senolian: ....sounds like your a hussy to me
CircusOrange: i killed him
CircusOrange: i only have one boyfriend at a time
Senolian: i mean i'll still take you out on our dates and we can get rid of sam later
CircusOrange: lol
Senolian: i date hussys if i have to
CircusOrange: you don't have to
Senolian: well your a hussy and apparently i'm dating you
CircusOrange: you don't have to
Senolian: its out of my hands now
CircusOrange: i can't help it that i have to kill men to make them go away
Senolian: but to get down to the brass tacks, after we go out a couple times we'll invite sam in to tell him something and smother him with some hookers coat
CircusOrange: lol1
Senolian: it sounds pretty foolproof to me
CircusOrange: how do we make that look like an accident . . ..where do we get hooker coats?
Senolian: from hookers...duh
Senolian: we dont make it look like an accident we make it look like sams regular girl needed some more smack
CircusOrange: i don't know any
Senolian: that makes the story even more believable
CircusOrange: you havfe a hooker coat?
Senolian: no we'll get some hookers to give up their coats
CircusOrange: where do we find them?
Senolian: we dont have to think of the whole plan now, we'll improvise the coats
CircusOrange: have you done this before?
CircusOrange: i just hired somebody for sal . . . used his money too
Senolian: no, but i do watch law and order...so i know how to beat the system
CircusOrange: oh ok
Senolian: i learned all that i know from jack mckoy
CircusOrange: that's . . . ok
Senolian: but seriously, i think my plan is foolproof
CircusOrange: well i guess we'll just have to try it and see
Senolian: sounds like a plan to me
Senolian: but its kinda late and i need to do some italian homework
CircusOrange: ok
CircusOrange:
CircusOrange: have . . . fun?
Senolian: remember...we'll take care of sam and then we'll be free
CircusOrange: lol |
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| PIE LIST |
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| 05:59pm 16/09/2006 |
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mood:  confused
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I was horribly informed that Sam's boss hates pie. Not just any pie, all pie. How can this be? I began to search on the internet for a list of fillings, hoping that I could find at least one he didn't hate. There is no such list. It is my theory that it is humanly impossible to hate all pie. There are so many flavors one has to like at least one.
So, I am making a list of as many flavors as I can find. Any help would be appreciated.
Almond-Pear
Apple (American, Dutch, and French)
Apricot
Banana-Cherry Jubilee
Banana Cream
Beef
Blueberry
Blueberry Cream
Blueberry-Peach
Boysenberry
Cherry
Cherry-Cream Cheese
Chicken Pot
Chocolate Cream
Chocolate Almond Banana Cream
Chocolate Banana Cream
Chocolate Pecan
Coconut Cream
Coffee Cordial
Cranberry
Cranberry-Apple
Custard
Finnish Three-Meat
Fluffy Strawberry
French Silk
Fudge
Gooseberry
Grape
Grasshopper
Ice Cream
Irish Cream
Key Lime
Kentucky Pecan
Lemon Meringue
Longanberry
Mocha French Silk
Moon
Mud (Chocolate and Soil)
Peach
Peach Ginger
Peach Glace
Peanut Butter
Peanut Butter Fudge
Peanut Butter Banana
Pecan
Pineapple-Lemon
Pink Lemonade
Pumpkin
Pumpkin-Orange-Cream Cheese
Raisin
Raspberry
Raspberry Glace
Rhubarb
Shepherd’s
Shoo Fly
Spinach
Sour Cream-Lemon
Southwest Sausage
Strawberry
Strawberry Glace
Strawberry Rhubarb
Sweet Potato
Taco
Tourtiere
Turkey Pot
Upside-Down Plum-Pecan
Vinegar |
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| 01:01am 15/09/2006 |
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mood:  aggravated
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| I am sick of not being pregnant |
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| 12:48am 15/09/2006 |
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mood: infuriated
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ZOMG! I WILL kill the next person who asks me if I'm pregnant when I tell them I am sick. I've been sick for 2 months and have gone to 4 doctors to figure out what is wrong with me. And I have news for those of you who don't know, when you go into the doctor and he sees that you are female, he/she asks if you are sexually active. If you are (and aren't feeling well) you WILL have a pregnancy test. Besides, I am not retarded, I know what pregnant is. I watch daytime TV! My Doctor isn't stupid . . . he IS a doctor you know. Not that I have a problem with pregnancy, being asked if I were pregnant would be fine. IF I were in fact pregnant. Which I'm not. I am very very sick! which is not pregnant. Pregnancy is normal. Sick is not. So everyone who assumes that I am the dumbest pregnant woman ever can go and suck donkey dicks in hell while being manually pleasured by perverted Nazi Zombies!
That is all. |
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| Does anybody get this riddle? |
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| 10:15pm 08/09/2006 |
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mood: aggravated
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You are walking in a strange cave and you have no idea where you are or how you got here. As you are walking, you come across some tiles on the floor. They read "AHOY DYE FOOT." Strange.
You pass a second group of tiles which doesn't make much sense. The third pile says "LUG TUNA BLUBBER". You wonder where you would find tuna blubber in this cave, and where you should lug it to.
At that point, you look further down the cave and see that there are many groups of tiles.
How many piles of tiles are there? |
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| 05:46pm 05/08/2006 |
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| You Are 60% Weird | 
You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks! |
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| 10:49pm 10/04/2006 |
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mood:  depressed
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Planning a wedding is very very hard . . . the end |
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| Saggy Whores and My Baby |
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| 06:14pm 01/10/2005 |
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mood: cranky
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Ok, so I was at the Post Office. There was no place to park so Sam pulled up to the door and was letting me out. As I was getting my stuff together this slack bitch starts honking her horn. So I put a little hustle on and I get out of the car in less than a minute. As I stand up she screams, "Get out of there, I want to pull out!" Note: The crazy bag wasn't even in her car and ready to leave. She was standing next to it and honking her horn through the window.
So I'm a little Postpartum and I don't feel I need to take her shit, so I say, "Shut your damn mouth you fat saggy whore." Then, turning on my heel, I proceed toward the post office door. After a few steps, I hear my husband yell, "Lezlie! Look out."
I look up and see by the reflection in the glass door in front of me that this filthy old tart is running at me trying to start something. So I haul off and kick that crazy bitch in the gut with out turning around. Keep in mind that I studied both Karate and ballet, I know how to kick a fool.
She flies backwards into the passenger side door of our car. She sort of stumbles and rolls around a bit before she finally stands up. She looks pretty stunned. I yell over my shoulder for Sam to get out of there, I was going to be fine. My baby was in the car and he didn't need to see such violence. I think Sam was a little stunned by my actions because he did what I said.
I went into the Post Office to get done what needed to get done.
I am buying some stamps at one of those little machines when the bitch comes at me AGAIN. I didn't see her this time. The crazy bat grabs a fistful of my hair and tries to (I assume) slam my head into the machine). I'm stronger than she anticipated and was able to throw an elbow back before she got any real force behind her attack. I think I hit her in the solar plexus. Not sure, but she coughed up some blood. At this point, I started getting scared thinking "Holy shit, I might kill this old lady!"
At this point, I'm more then ready to back down but granny still wants a piece. She starts clawing at me like some sort of animal and I'm just trying to get away.
Long story short, the cops show up. Enough witnesses vouched for me, saying that the batshits lady came at me first that I get off with a waning.
I think it helped that Sam came back with a hungry baby and I had to breastfeed him there, in the middle of the Post Office with my face and arms all scratched up like some sort of ghetto madonna.
A pic of my baby
http://disposableactor.deviantart.com/art/Mo-Baby-66363735 |
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| AHOY! |
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| 06:48pm 26/08/2005 |
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mood:  mischievous
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First Mate
Congratulations! You scored 84%! |
| captains first mate.yarrrrrrrr ye be second bes at pillagin booty....lets have no thoughts of mutiny mind.. |
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 48% on pieces of ait |
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| I Wonder If Anyone Will Bother |
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| 07:07pm 25/08/2005 |
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~ WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF~
1. I died from natural causes:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking
5. I stole something
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:
WOULD YOU:
13. Be my friend?:
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
15. Hold my hand?
16. Take a bullet for me?
17. Keep in touch?:
18. Try and solve my problems?:
19. Love me?:
20. Date me?:
HAVE YOU EVER:
21. Lied to make me feel better?:
22. Wanted to kiss me?:
23. Wanted to kill me?:
24. Broke my heart?:
25. Kept something important from me?:
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?
~*::And More::*~
27. Who are you?
28. Are we friends?
29. When and how did we meet?
30. Describe me in one word:
31. What was your first impression?
32. Do you still think that way about me now?
33. What reminds you of me?
34. If you could give me anything what would it be?
35. How well do you know me?
36. When's the last time you saw me?
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you? |
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| 05:43pm 22/08/2005 |
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mood: chipper
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CircusOrange: BESTFRIEND!
freshmarketMurph: hey :-)
freshmarketMurph: startrekbestfriend
freshmarketMurph: 8-)
CircusOrange: haven't even filmed yet and trekkies are writing in and saying that i need a tighter uniform
freshmarketMurph: hahahahahaha
freshmarketMurph: well, those nerds still living in the basement relish at the chance to see anything boobs-related.
CircusOrange: but none of the other girls are getting it
CircusOrange: just 'cause i'm the vulcan
CircusOrange: next i'll be wearing booty shorts
freshmarketMurph: hahaha
freshmarketMurph: with "VUL" across the ass
CircusOrange: that would be hot |
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| Everything |
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| 11:09am 04/07/2005 |
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mood:  anxious
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I should be cleaning or doing my French homework . . . but, obviously, I am not. In case you all don't know, I'm leaving for China on the 23rd and won't be back until August 20th. I'm excited because it's a foreign country! but nervous because I don't speak Chinese and really haven't had the chance to learn.
Things I'm excited about:
1. Peking Duck
2. The Forbidden City
3. Sleeping in Hotels for a month
4. Seeing Paintings by Xugu
5. Paintings by Pan Yuliang (I think xunforgivenx might like her)
6. My first whirlwind romance ;)
7. Father by Luo Zhongli
In other news, I've been spending these few pre-China weeks with Sam and his roommate. Sam's cat Smacky is a bitch. She is so mean to my new kitten and she eats everything like a piglet. Oh yeah, I have a new kitten and her name is Lucy and she sleeps on my belly at night. she also claws feet, bites knees, and falls down a lot.
Oh! and I am in this independent Star Trek movie that will begin filming when I get back from China. I'm playing a Vulcan and no, I am not a Trekkie I am an actor. People seem to forget that and ask my crazy questions and I'm all like "jigga-whatchu talkin' about?" Anyway, if you want to find out more about this particular film, or have some of those crazy questions, the website is www.starshiplexington.com |
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| 12:42am 30/05/2005 |
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mood: disappointed
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Official Survivor
Congratulations! You scored 74%! |
| Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive. |
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 39% on survivalpoints |
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| 11:39pm 11/05/2005 |
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mood: jubilant
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WReality24: HEY!
CircusOrange: hello
CircusOrange: i have a horrible secret
WReality24: What's that?
CircusOrange: i am in a star trek movie
WReality24: Yes! I heard about that!
WReality24: Is it "New Voyages?"
CircusOrange: ?? it's independent
WReality24: What role are you playing?
CircusOrange: Lt. Commander Saavik
WReality24: SCORE! You're taking Kristy Alley's place!
CircusOrange: i know. I got this email that said "you really look like a vulcan" be in my movie, etc. and i was like "ok"
WReality24: Do you know anything about the character?
CircusOrange: ok. she was found as an orpahn on helgard (what ever that is) by spock and was raised by him and trained by he and spock
CircusOrange: er
CircusOrange: kirk
CircusOrange: She brings spock back from the dead in like star trek 4 or 5
WReality24: 3
CircusOrange: ah
CircusOrange: i have to watch those, my director said
WReality24: Watch 2-4. She's in each one.
CircusOrange: k
CircusOrange: my director wants Robin Curtis to talk to me. I think that's pretty gay
WReality24: Are you serious!?
WReality24: That was the second actress to play Savvik!
CircusOrange: i know
CircusOrange: alley is way hotter
WReality24: Not anymore, though.
CircusOrange: yeah well . . .
WReality24: It's a good part for you
CircusOrange: for real? awsome possom
WReality24: Yay! Cool rodents!
CircusOrange: you need to come to my star trek drinking party that i'm gonna have
WReality24: Drinking + Star Trek? YA-WHOOO!
CircusOrange: well, i prefer caffinated beverages in this case b/c booze makes me sleepy
WReality24: That works too
CircusOrange: dude there is way TOO much spok and saavik porn
WReality24: Yeah, no kidding. I try not to read that fluff.
WReality24: There's also a lot of Spock and Kirk porn. Which is just . . . not right.
CircusOrange: yeah , i was all like O.o AHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ALIEN SEX!!!!!!! wow you can do that? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
WReality24: Only every seven years for Vulcans.
CircusOrange: really? I should know that
WReality24: It's called Pon Far. It's the only time Vulcan's get horny. They must mate . . . or kill someone.
CircusOrange: are you serious?
WReality24: Yep. It's all been established on the original episode "Amok Time."
WReality24: You can get all this information from www.startrek.com
CircusOrange: OH GOD YOUARE UBER GEEK!
WReality24: It's general knowledge for Trekkies.
WReality24: I knew all this worthless information would come in handy someday.
CircusOrange: so i'd be all like "Spock are you trying to seduce me? Because it's working. RAUUURGH! HUMP ME OR DIE!!!!"
WReality24: In between being completely devoid of emotion, yes.
CircusOrange: of course. I can do that. wasp sex alright!
CircusOrange: mmmmm. well hung mimes
WReality24: ummm . . . you lost me
CircusOrange: where did i lose you
WReality24: somewhere around the mimes
CircusOrange: i imagin that having sex with spock would be like having sex with a well hung mime
WReality24: I see.
WReality24: I honestly don't try to think of Spock in that way.
CircusOrange: well apparently saavik has had some of that . . . bow chika bow wow
WReality24: Yep. In Star Trek 3
CircusOrange: well, i hope it was fun
WReality24: They didn't show anything . . . unfortunately.
CircusOrange: oh . . . i was there. i am the beta bird
WReality24: The beta bird?
CircusOrange: ok . . . there is this species of bird where there are beta and alpha male birds. and the beta bird has to help the alpha bird get laid until he reaches maturity and becomes an alpha bird himself. I imagine that the beta bird gets to watch
WReality24: Ahhh . . . I see
CircusOrange: mmmm -- vulcanlicious
WReality24: Indeed! |
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| WHERE CAN ELMO GET FOOD BESIDES HIS CLOSET? |
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| 11:38pm 11/04/2005 |
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mood: chipper
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freshmarketMurph: FROM THE CORPSE OF ERNIE (oh god no)
CircusOrange: ahhhh!
freshmarketMurph: lol
CircusOrange: mmmm ernie
freshmarketMurph: mmm. bert
freshmarketMurph: he's what's for dinner
CircusOrange: lol
freshmarketMurph: you have to wash the bubbles off him though
freshmarketMurph: from his constant tubbing
CircusOrange: "tubbing?"
freshmarketMurph: yes. he washes himself a lot
freshmarketMurph: with ernie.
freshmarketMurph: you'd have to get the soap off
freshmarketMurph: then fill him with SPICES
CircusOrange: of course
freshmarketMurph: did you hear that they're trying to make cookie monster healthy now?
freshmarketMurph: i think it is a mighty crock of shit
freshmarketMurph: apparently, cookies are a "sometimes food'
freshmarketMurph: i want to be a guest on sesame street and be like, "sh*t no"
freshmarketMurph: just let it out, right there
freshmarketMurph: that'd stop all their pleasant, day-to-day activities
CircusOrange: would it? puppets and their day to day activities . . . hands up their *sses and all
freshmarketMurph: a little cursing here and there is just what they need
CircusOrange: C is for c*ntface that's good enough for me
freshmarketMurph: hahaha
freshmarketMurph: or "f is for fudge, and that stands for poop"
CircusOrange: hahaha
CircusOrange: that's not really cursing though, the Seasame street kids already know that word
freshmarketMurph: ok, how about, "Y is for young, YOU WILL ALL DIE YOUNG"
freshmarketMurph: that will shut 'em up
CircusOrange: and then elmo will eat you corpse?
freshmarketMurph: ...sadly yes
freshmarketMurph: i fear him
freshmarketMurph: he's the sweeney todd of sesame street
CircusOrange: lol |
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herodias's journal
